


Tangle Buddies (Or: How Rose Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Squiddles)

by dltoro



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, I'm Sorry, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Squiddles, Tangle Buddies!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-21 22:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dltoro/pseuds/dltoro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Rose Lalonde, and nine months ago you joined the website TangleBuddies.net.</p><p>No one must ever know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tangle Buddies (Or: How Rose Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Squiddles)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cancerously](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cancerously/gifts).



Your name is Rose Lalonde, and nine months ago you joined the website TangleBuddies.net.

No one must ever know.

It seemed like a terrible idea at the time; an acceptance of the transition from ironic interest to genuine enjoyment; the first skid down a slippery slope that led to dolls and stuffed animals and – god, how you shuddered to say it out loud! – _normality_. But you did it anyway. You entered your school email address, created a username, chose a Squiddle, and that was that. You refreshed your emails until you received the confirmation. That was just how deeply entrenched you were in this. You were the hapless minor character stuck in quicksand, the disposable Henchwoman 2 who dies within the first fifteen minutes; this sand giggled and spoke of fun and friendship as you sunk deeper, deeper.

It wasn’t that dramatic, but you felt shitty all the same. Shitty because everything was so _un_ -shitty – it was fun, it was exciting; here were people who embraced their love for all things Squiddle. They weren’t ashamed! Here was an opportunity to finally _connect_ , to have two-sided conversations, to share with people who had similar interests. To make friends, as happy clappy as that sounded.

After a month of collecting treasure (you refused to call it “the treasure of your heart”, even if you knew deep inside that _friendship_ was more valuable than _any gold_ ) and exploring the ocean’s depths, you decided to finally make your mark. You headed to the boards and spent _minutes_ crafting the perfect introductory message, before sending your greetings out into the world.

No one cared.

You hadn’t expected an avalanche of friend requests; you hadn’t really expected anything. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, deep down, the same ache in your gut that throbbed whenever you sat alone at lunch, or stayed inside at break to finish your work. The ache of making do. Your post received a couple of ambiguously worded comments, toeing the line between banter and mockery, but you largely remained just as you had before: anonymous, on the edge of a self-imagined periphery.

TangleBuddies wasn’t really the same after that. You didn’t want it to be the same. You wanted things to CHANGE. A darkness seemed to overtake you whenever you thought of the site, a grim sort of darkness you couldn’t define. It bubbled under your skin, this irrational anger; all you knew was that you wanted vengeance. You wanted TangleBuddies, and everyone on that stupid site, to pay for how indifferently they had treated you. Once you were finished, they would finally notice you! Ha ha! HA HA HA!

You decided to recruit your best henchman for the job. Your only henchman.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster  [GT] at 18:21 --

TT: John, I need you to help me destroy a website from the inside.   
GT: er, okay?   
GT: how?   
TT: You've mentioned frequently how great you are at coding.   
TT: You are The Coding Master, if I am not mistaken.   
TT: I want you to write me a code that replaces every Squiddle on that heinous site with a monster from the dark depths of the occult.   
GT: squiddle? arent they those kids things?   
TT: That's not important. Can you do it?   
GT: er  
GT: of course! i am the coding master!   
GT: that is what they call me.   
GT: i'll get back to you once i've  
GT: had a breakthrough, i guess.   
TT: Thank you, John.   
GT: why do you want to destroy some lame squiddles site anyway?   
TT: Oh no, it looks like my Mom is coming. I must leave immediately.   
TT: No doubt she has some alcohol-fuelled wisdom to impart and I must go now goodbye  
GT: rose?   
GT: auuuugh

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 18:27 --

John was the exception. The anomaly, really, but you felt a bit mean calling him that. Perhaps it was easier to ignore his existence; it made your loneliness seem complete, final. Yeah, so you exaggerated. John was your best friend simply through mathematics – he was your only friend, so he kind of had to be. He was the only thing that stopped you from being completely separate, cut off from society, the unfathomable loner that you so desperately wanted to become. You took his enthusiasm for granted whilst in public; but privately, once all the lights were out and all you could hear was the whispering of the swaying trees, you replayed your conversations over and over, wondering why you were such a _bitch_.

Then you’d wake up to another message from John, inimitably chirpy as ever, and forget what you were even worrying about. And anyway, you had a sneaky suspicion that John knew exactly what you were doing.

While John put his extensive hacking credentials to good use, you spent the time crafting the speech you would undoubtedly put on the TangleBuddies homepage in sprawling script, informing all its users how you had single-handedly (details) brought the website to its knees and all that was left now to do was weep and beg for forgiveness. Only then would your smiting hand pause and reconsider. You may or may not have spent a week working on this. Upon the culmination of many days vicious consideration between “Greetings, mortals” and “Greetings, primitive forms” (you went for the former), you received a Pesterchum notification.

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:03 --

GT: hi rose  
GT: i did the thing.   
TT: The thing?   
TT: Oh, The Thing. How did it go?   
GT: er.   
TT: That sounds promising.   
GT: i managed to change your squiddle to the creepy one you wanted!   
GT: i just  
GT: couldn't do it to all of them.   
TT: So only I have the Sinisteria?   
GT: yes.   
TT: Great.   
GT: i guess you mean that in the sarcastic way, rather than the happy grateful one.   
TT: You guess correctly.   
GT: don't say 'i thought you were meant to be the coding master' DON'T SAY IT  
TT: I thought you were supposed to be the  
TT: Oh.   
TT: I only half said it.   
GT: :(   
GT: i'm sorry rose.   
GT: i'm the coding loser. that is what i am.   
TT: Well, I appreciate your attempt. I may not be sticking it to the man, but I am at least holding something in place whilst waiting for an adhesive.   
TT: Thank you, John.   
GT: don't mention it.   
TT: On the subject of secrecy, you must never tell anyone about this for as long as you live.   
GT: oh okay.   
TT: Or I will physically harm you. Is that understood?   
GT: i promise i won't tell anyone that you play on tanglebuddies.net.   
TT: Thank you.   
GT: (hehehe) 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 16:19 --

You closed you laptop, retrieved a pillow from your bed, and screeched into it. This was it: you finally felt able to empathise with Oogie Boogie. Your plans were slipping away from you and all you could do was scream, scream as your bugs fell from you – oh the pain, oh your bugs! _Your bugs!_

You did that for a little while before realising it was stupid. No, you weren’t even going to grace that website with your thoughts anymore. It was a stupid site for stupid babies and you were much too grown up for it. Yes. You were only humouring it, anyway. _You only liked it ironically._

Feeling better for getting that dark secret off your chest, you went downstairs and made yourself a sandwich.

True to your word, you didn’t think about TangleBuddies at all. You kept yourself busy, refusing to let your mind drift towards dirty words like ‘friendship’ and ‘splashy fun times’; it was great, you were fine, you didn’t miss it at all. You barely even cared about how your Squiddle was doing. Whether it was hungry, or sick. What it was thinking about. Did it dream when it went to sleep at night? Or did it lie awake, haunted by its abandonment, seething with betrayal? No, you hardly thought about it. Until one day, out of the blue, you received a SquiddleMail.

_**-★- You have mail, Friend! -★-** ___

__**From:** GardenGnostic  
 **To:** TentacleTherapist  
 **Subject:** hi! _ _

__ hello! i saw your post on the tanglebuddies boards and i know we dont know each other but i saw you have a sinisteria squiddle and i was just wondering how you got it! i didnt know it was even a thing. i havent seen one anywhere and ive been to a lot of places :) _ _

__ if its a cool cheat and you dont want to tell me that's okay! its just really exciting _ _

__ okay, thats all! _ _

__ jade :) _ _

__\--_ _

__You frantically tapped out a reply, determined to appear as nonchalant as possible. Pretty much the completely opposite end of the spectrum to how you shook with excitement and trepidation: who was this Jade? How had she noticed above all the others, and why did she care?_ _

__\--_ _

__**From:** TentacleTherapist  
 **To:** GardenGnostic  
 **Subject:** Re: hi! _ _

__ Hello, _ _

__ Regarding the Sinisteria Squiddle, my friend actually helped me acquire it. He's something of a computer programmer. He's definitely 'something', anyway. I'm sorry if that doesn't help you, but unless you know any hackers I'm not sure I'd be able to explain it effectively. _ _

__ Regards, _ _

__ Rose Lalonde _ _

__\--_ _

__It was done. Now all you had to do was wait. So you waited. You made tea, you refreshed the page; you started another book, you refreshed the page; you chewed your fingernails, you refreshed the page; you reorganised your bookshelves first alphabetically, then chronologically, and then you refreshed the page. You began to sing about refreshing the page. Still you heard nothing. The knell of your bedtime struck the clock downstairs – you heard its clanging with your bedroom door closed – so you decided to retire, confident that you would awaken to at least six messages from Jade, all begging for your advice and friendship._ _

__Pesterchum bleeped._ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:48 --_ _

__ GG: i cant believe your friend hacked into tanglebuddies????   
TT: Excuse me?   
TT: Who are you?   
GG: jade!   
TT: Oh, you're GardenGnostic, right?   
TT: How did you get my Pesterchum?   
GG: yeah! how did she do it?   
GG: oh, i just guessed itd be the same as your username  
GG: how did she hack into tanglebuddies??   
TT: Oh, okay.   
TT: Sheer dumb luck, I suppose. I never asked, merely accepted the spoils.   
TT: Are you thinking of having a go yourself? I could ask him for you.   
GG: no! i just wanted to know how you did it!!! because i have every squiddle except that one!!!!!   
TT: Every Squiddle?   
GG: EVERY squiddle!!!!   
GG: im a big fan  
TT: I see.   
TT: Well, I'll ask him for you and see if he can shed any light on how actually he got a hold of it. I doubt it, but if he does I'll be sure to be in touch.   
TT: Was that all?   
GG: no, actually  
GG: i thought maybe we could just talk?   
GG: i had a look at your profile and you seem really cool :D  
TT: Oh  
TT: Thank you.   
TT: I didn't actually look at yours.   
GG: thats okay  
TT: I will now.   
GG: its really nice to finally speak to someone from tanglebuddies!   
GG: i mean  
GG: i do speak to people and stuff but actually speaking to someone as in chatting  
GG: not just telling them where to find billy the bellsuit diver  
GG: i get asked that all the time and people should really know by now!!!   
TT: I see you have a FAQ.   
TT: You must live a hard life.   
GG: hahaha  
GG: you dont know my life, rose!   
GG: you dont know my hardships :P  
TT: I too am glad we're having this conversation.   
TT: I don't exactly have a FAQ.   
GG: no but its so annoying!!   
GG: constantly being asked the same thing and no one really appreciates it  
GG: sometimes i get hatemail  
GG: because i didnt tell them how to get the brown squiddle or the midnight blue squiddle and its the worst!!!!!   
GG: those arent even nice colors!   
GG: and they obviously havent been to the cave of friendship because all you have to do is pop the bubbles in order and the brown squiddle is right there  
GG: its right there  
TT: I'll bear that in mind.   
GG: its hard being a grand master superbuddypalfriend, rose  
GG: it's hard  
TT: I understand.   
TT: Do the titles get more ridiculous as you ascend the levels? Or is that a special one just for you?   
GG: i became a grand master superbuddypalfriend in november  
GG: before that i was a extra happy friendly bubblymateychum  
GG: which is one step up from a friendly bubblymateychum  
GG: but thats lame  
GG: no one wants to be just a friendly bubblymateychum  
TT: Obviously.   
TT: I won't accept a title with fewer than four adjectives. How am I supposed to convey my level of friendliness without them?   
GG: exactly  
TT: I actually need to go, now. It's rather late where I am and I have school in the morning.   
GG: thats okay!   
GG: i just woke up haha, i should probably go and feed bec  
TT: Is Bec your pet?   
GG: yeah hes my dog  
GG: my best friend :D  
TT: Well, goodnight. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more help.   
GG: dont worry! ill find a way to get it!   
GG: even if i have to hack it myself :P  
GG: night, rose!!   
TT: Goodnight, Jade.  _ _

__\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 23:14 --_ _

__You wasted no more than ten seconds before opening a new chat window._ _

__\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 23:14 --_ _

__ TT: John, whatever you did with my Squiddle, I need you to do it to someone else.   
TT: Just one person.   
TT: Their username is GardenGnostic.   
GT: don't tell me you're still on that squiddles site.   
TT: No, I'm not.   
TT: Well, I wasn't. But now I am. Again. Because  
TT: Of  
TT: Reasons.   
GT: rose if you just want to admit you love squiddles then that is fine by me.   
TT: No!   
TT: I don't like Squiddles. They're silly. This is still for the experiment. The social experiment I'm working on. Examining why people our age go on silly websites for babies.   
GT: sure.   
TT: Can you please just do it.   
GT: alright! i'll try my best.   
TT: Thank you.  _ _

__\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 23:19 --_ _

__Oh no. You had reached The Point. You were steeped in this shit so far that going forward would be just as difficult as going back again. There was no real choice in the matter; on you went._ _

__Yes, so, your life wasn’t exactly Macbeth, but you too had a vaulting ambition: to break away from your current monotonous existence and discover newer, less depressing things. To socialise not out of obligation but for the hell of it, for fun, for friendship! You wanted excitement without the effort and so far it hadn’t gotten you shit, except for a sense of isolation and a diary full of poetry. But you were going to do it right this time._ _

__You decided to set your alarm an hour early that night._ _

__The next morning you woke up hating yourself, punch-drunk with fatigue from your mere seven-hour sleep. Still recumbent, you pulled your laptop up onto your chest, disregarding all medical advice as you slid the screen closer to your face. You navigated on to TangleBuddies.net with a few lethargic clicks before logging on and staring at the homepage. Then to the Map. A wide range of undersea locations opened up to you, all with one common theme: friendship. You disregarded all but one; it was nestled in the top left hand corner of the map, almost obscured by the sprawling suburbia of Friendship Town._ _

__You clicked on the Cave of Friendship. Six bubbles appeared: red, yellow, orange, blue, purple, and pink, all bobbing slightly. There were no instructions but you knew what you had to do._ _

__Red, Yellow, Orange, Blue, Purple, Pink. No._ _

__Pink, Purple, Blue, Orange, Yellow, Red. No._ _

__Blue, Orange, Pink, Purple, Red, Yellow. Still no._ _

__Yellow, Red, Purple, Pink, Orange, Blue— oh come on, this was getting ridiculous now._ _

__In your impatience, you clicked on the bubbles at random. _Congratulations!_ The screen congratulated you. _You found the Brown Squiddle!_ Victory was yours. A sense of accomplishment overwhelmed you; it was a heady rush unlike anything you’d ever felt before – both vindication and triumph seemed to punch you in the face and you emerged smiling, teeth crooked and cheek swollen._ _

__You were ten minutes late to class that day, but you gained two more Squiddles._ _

____

  


* * *

   


__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 15:43 --_ _

__ GG: hey rose!   
GG: congrats on the levelling up!   
TT: Oh. You noticed. Thank you.   
GG: ive been tracking your progress!   
TT: I didn't know you could do that.   
GG: you can! i get an email alert every time you do anything lol  
GG: well anything important  
TT: Wow.   
GG: youve been very busy!!   
TT: Well, I  
TT: I've had a lot of spare time.   
TT: Wait, what time is it where you are?   
GG: its coming up to eleven o'clock  
TT: Aren't you supposed to be at school?   
TT: You are of school age, right?   
GG: yes!! and i dont go to school :P  
GG: i think im what people call homeschooled  
GG: except i dont have a teacher  
TT: You teach yourself?   
GG: yeah!   
GG: its great! i only have to learn about cool things haha  
GG: like science  
TT: I don't really like science as much; I prefer English.   
GG: but english is so boring!!!   
GG: hurr durr heres a book durr read it  
TT: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.   
GG: eh  
TT: It's nothing.   
TT: Do your mom and dad help teach you, too?   
TT: Or just your mom, or just your dad, whichever.   
TT: I'm sorry, I'm just intrigued.   
GG: no i dont have a mom or dad  
TT: Oh, I'm sorry.   
GG: its okay, i never had one soooooo  
GG: i mean i have grandpa but hes not much help lol  
TT: I'm sorry.   
GG: why are you sorry  
GG: its not your fault! :P  
GG: and its fine because i have bec too  
GG: and hes really helpful with things  
GG: but also really unhelpful!!!   
TT: I have to reveal that I only have a vague grasp of what is going on.   
TT: I'm sorry.   
GG: :D!!!   
GG: anyway you have to go now dont you  
GG: enjoy your violin lesson!!!!!   
TT: What  
GG: bye rose!!!!!  _ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:01 --_ _

__You could barely concentrate in your lesson, successfully transforming your violin teacher’s passive aggression into a straight up lust for violence. Jade was so _different_ from anyone you’d ever met – if there was a wall, the Jade was so far metaphorically off it she was practically outside the Earth’s atmosphere – and that was both parts infuriating and captivating. Dealing with John Egbert had seemed like practice of some sort, almost like a test to gauge one’s tolerance for blind enthusiasm and bad jokes, but you were unprepared to deal with Jade. That, naturally, made the scenario almost irresistible to you. Ugh, fuck Squiddles and their constant yapping about friendship; the worst part was realising that all of that junk was actually _true_._ _

__You were visiting TangleBuddies daily by this point. Talking to Jade became a daily activity too: conversation would generally begin with talk of Squiddles, then segue on to other topics. You learned her likes – animals, fashion, and, most bizarrely, nuclear physics – and listened to her rant about things that got on her nerves that day. Jade loved to discuss Bec, and although you were still rather confused as to whether the aforementioned creature was a dog or an extremely disciplined man, you loved to hear her talk about him. You were confused as much as you were amazed whenever Jade began to talk about the life she had created for herself, so separate from your own. You didn’t reveal much, yet Jade seemed to absorb your situation from your cryptic text without you even realising, until she would report your woes back to you, framed with emoticons and abuse of punctuation. She quickly got the gist of your maternal relationship without you even mentioning your mom. You decided not to draw attention to it._ _

__Three weeks after you began conversing with Jade, John sent you a curt and exhausted message informing you that he’d managed to complete the conversion and he was never doing anything for you ever again, goodbye. Your response was nothing more than groveling._ _

__Jade pestered you swiftly afterwards._ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:32 --_ _

__ GG: :O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
GG: rose!!!!!!!   
GG: you did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
TT: I'm sorry, for a moment there I thought I would never escape the avalanche of exclamation points. It was touch and go.   
GG: you got me a sinisteria squiddle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
TT: I did.   
TT: Well, John did. You should be thanking him, really.   
TT: But you're right; I did ask him to.   
GG: you are the best friend ever!!!!!!!!!!   
TT: So is it official, now?   
TT: Do you have every Squiddle?   
GG: EVERY squiddle!!!!!!!!   
TT: Even the one that doesn't really exist. You are a true Grand Master of Superbuddypalfriendliness.   
TT: The creators of TangleBuddies call a meeting. Who is this 'Jade', and how is she even friendlier than the Squiddles themselves? How do we contain her? She must be destroyed... with friendship.   
GG: oh no!!! how can i compete with the bond two friends have?? thats the strongest bond there is!!!!!   
TT: There is only one way.   
GG: what is it???????   
TT: You must create a bond stronger than friendship.   
GG: but thats not possible!!!   
TT: Oh, but it is.   
TT: You must become...   
TT: Someone's best friend.   
GG: :O!!!!   
GG: ill be one sec  
GG: my friend dave is such a butt omg  
GG: look what he said  
GG: GG: dave am i your best friend??   
GG: TG: no  
GG: TG: snoop is my best friend  
GG: who will be my best friend now???????   
TT: Who indeed.   
GG: so who is your best friend?   
TT: I  
TT: I just remembered I was meant to go and take Jaspers out for a walk.   
TT: I have to go.   
GG: you take your cat for walks???   
TT: Bye _ _

__\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 20:02 --_ _

__You weren’t expecting that. It had only been three weeks, but it had been three weeks of almost daily contact. Had you been a fool for expecting that… maybe…? No. You were stupid. You were a stupid kid on a stupid kid’s website and you should have expected it all along. That was it: you were done with Squiddles and done with trying – what was the point, when you were obviously destined to care for others more than they cared for you?_ _

__You still signed into Pesterchum every evening, but you appeared offline._ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:32 --_ _

__ GG: hey rose!   
GG: we havent spoken in a few days so i just wanted to say that its okay  
GG: i know why and its okay!!   
GG: im on my own a lot and sometimes i wish i could talk to someone face to face  
GG: and its important to feel like that sometimes because  
GG: well, it just is  
GG: it doesnt make you bad or weak or whatever you think you are  
GG: it just makes you human :)   
GG: and talking to you, a rose human, is a lot more fun than talking to bec  
GG: lol  
GG: arrrrgh what im trying to say is dont feel sad!!!!   
GG: also please dont feel that you cant talk to me about things  
GG: because you are my friend!!   
GG: and that is what friends do  
GG: (but also if you dont want to talk about anything we dont have to)   
GG: (or if youd rather talk to your friend john about it  
GG: maybe thats what youve been doing??   
GG: oh no i  
GG: im going to shut up now  
TT: I haven't said anything to anyone.   
TT: I never actually intended to, but as you are obviously psychic you just figured it out anyway.   
TT: And  
TT: If at some point I decide I want to discuss the subject, you will be the first person I come to. Okay?   
GG: okay!!!! :D  
GG: thanks rose  
GG: we can go back to not talking now if you want  
TT: No, let's not. How are you?  _ _

____

  


* * *

   


__After three months, you’d say you were what some refer to as ‘firm friends’. The kind of friendship where it felt entirely natural to stay up until three in the morning playing online scrabble and engaging in furious debates about the legitimacy of ‘opoop’ as a word. Unsurprisingly, you stand on the side of lexical regulation and refuse to admit such a bastardisation into the dictionary. Also, what even is an opoop? Is it a verb? The matter remains unsettled._ _

__Your questioning became freer; Jade’s answers more relaxed. “So, tell me about your Granddad,” turned into “So what do you actually _do_?” and “What was it like, homeschooling yourself?” became “I’m confused: how did your dog manage to set up Wi-Fi?” Gradually, Jade’s magical island life with its sentient hound and dormant volcano transformed from a fairy story into something real, almost tangible, the everyday existence of someone you longed to class as your Best Friend. This longing was one you shared with nobody, simply because nobody was worth such a secret – not even John could be privy to such a forbidden piece of intel. You barely even shared it with yourself, or at least you tried not to; it had a habit of slipping out, souring your good days, filling your early bedtimes with nights of despondence, and making your dinners tasteless. The whole thing was ridiculous – you weren’t in _love_ with her; you’d been in love before and this was worlds away from what you’d shared with Emily. Wow, it has been a while since you’ve watched Corpse Bride._ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:07 --_ _

__ GG: THIS SHIT IS BANANAS  
GG: B-A-N-A-N-A-S  
GG: I SAID THIS SHIT IS BANANAS  
GG: B  
GG: A  
GG: N  
GG: A  
GG: N  
GG: A  
GG: S  
TT: What.   
GG: FEEEEEW TIMES IVE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK  
GG: BUT ITS NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT  
GG: COS I AINT NO HOLLABACK GIIIIIIIRL  
GG: I AINT NO HOLLABACK GIIIIIIRL  
TT: I'm so confused.   
GG: its a song!!!!   
GG: dont you know it?   
TT: No...?   
GG: aaaaaargh its been in my head forever!!!!!   
TT: I am, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your stance, rather out of the loop when it comes to popular music.   
GG: what a surpriiiise :P  
TT: I am heartily offended by that insinuation.   
TT: My hand is twitching towards my pen and notepaper as I type.   
TT: Must... write... letter of complaint...   
GG: haha!   
TT: Anyway, I do hope your earworm subsides. That one sounds particularly vicious.   
GG: [http://youtube.com/g5hks0o](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kgjkth6BRRY)  
GG: listen to it!!   
TT: I value my sanity much too highly for that.   
GG: oooooOOOOOOH  
GG: THIS MY SHIT  
GG: THIS MY SHIT  
GG: help me im listening to it again  
TT: That sounds wonderful.   
TT: And, wow. You are far gone.   
GG: you can have my squiddles when i go  
GG: tell dave i love him  
GG: lol im joking  
GG: tell dave he can have my cds  
GG: and that im sorry but my heart belongs to hella jeff  
GG: his own creation became his downfall  
GG: how could i resist such a beautiful mouth  
TT: Are you high?   
GG: it is the power of the hollaback girl  
TT: Right, well, I'll leave you to that, then. _ _

__\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 22:24 --_ _

__ GG: i heard that you were talking shit AND YOU DIDNT THINK THAT I WOULD HEAR IT _ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:24 --_ _

__Then, two days later, it happened. No angels sang in immaculate chorus; God didn’t mosey down down from his great palace in the sky to shake you by the hand. You were eating ramen out of a bowl with a fork when your Pesterchum bleeped and _it finally happened_._ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:29 --_ _

__ GG: ive just realised who you are  
TT: Right...   
GG: youre johns friend  
GG: johns friend rose!   
GG: daves friend johns friend rose!!!   
TT: You know John?   
GG: you know dave??   
TT: Well, I know John has a friend called Dave. We haven't spoken, though.   
GG: and i know dave has a friend called john! who has a friend called rose!   
GG: which is you!!!!   
TT: I'm beginning to hear the strains of 'It's A Small World' carrying over on the wind. Traumatic childhood memories resurface. Disneyland. I'm afraid we won't be able to let you on Space Mountain, ma'am, not in your current state.   
GG: oh shush  
GG: but isnt this so cool?   
GG: i mean  
GG: you know john and i know dave and dave and john know each other and we know each other  
GG: that's crazy!!!!   
TT: It is pretty exciting news.   
TT: Is it safe to say that we are best friends now.   
GG: yes rose  
GG: i think it is  
GG: :D <3  
TT: Hang on, I just got an email.   
TT: It seems that your SquiddleStatus has changed.   
GG: really???   
TT: How coincidental.   
TT: Congratulations, Master of All Squiddlekind.   
GG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
GG: WHAT DID YOU DO?????   
TT: I didn't do anything.   
GG: no really what did you do  
TT: I am being entirely honest when I say I had nothing to do with this. You can simply thank Fate and Melodrama for these two moments coinciding.   
GG: ive got to see what cool new stuff i can do!!!   
GG: maybe i can run the site now?   
TT: They couldn't put it in more capable hands.   
TT: I'll leave you to it. Do let me know, though.   
GG: of course!!!!!   
GG: thanks, rose :D  
TT: Any time.   
GG: bye, best friend!!!!!   
TT: <3 _ _

__\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 17:45 --_ _

__Your name is Rose Lalonde, and nine months ago you joined a stupid website for kids that somehow, along the way, got you a best friend._ _

__\-- turntableGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 18:12 --_ _

__ TG: sup  
TG: so youre jades squiddle friend  
TT: Yes.   
TT: Yes I am.   
TG: how the fuck do you find the brown squiddle _ _

__You're not so embarrassed by that anymore._ _


End file.
